Redundant but ever so resilient

1. resilience /rɪˈzɪlɪəns/ 1.the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. 2.the ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
   

Have you ever had something happen to you which leaves you questioning your worth? A long term relationship ending? Your position at work ending? You are chatting to someone you quite like and they go MIA even after some PDA? We all have moments of rejection in life. Moments that make us wonder if it was worth it, if we were worth it.

I recently went through a split with my longest term relationship, my employer. I had been working there for six years and just like that, one day I found out my role was going to be made redundant and I felt I was no longer relevant.

You never think these things will happen to you because you are safe and comfortable. But it is because you are safe and comfortable that they do happen to you.

The days following the news I went through many emotions and plenty of ugly cries (I am talking U-G-L-Y) but through this time I have shocked myself by managing to stay pretty darn positive. I have managed to keep my thoughts away from that of a victim and I have (mostly) managed to avoid daydreaming about going from working in a lush office in West End to sleeping on the less than lush streets of West End.

Whether it’s a break up, losing your job or losing a loved one, life happens and it’s up to us to find a way to react, resolve and restart. So I thought I would write not only as a way to deal with all of the feelings I am feeling but also in hopes that I could help shed some light for others going through similar situations of loss, discomfort or pain and help turn their frown upside down.

The biggest thing which has helped me? Gratitude. Now those that know me would know that I am all about gratitude, I genuinely believe that when you are in a state of appreciation it’s impossible to feel negative emotion, particularly anger. I know it’s hard, I know when you feel hurt or full of hurt and there’s murder in your heart, the last thing you want to do is say thank you over f*ck you, but trust me, it works. Even if you find the smallest thing to be grateful for, hold on to that and it will grow and before you know it you will have a handful of things and feel a heck of a lot lighter for it.

“I am grateful for my interactions, my experience and that essentially it helped me blossom and grow, I can’t be mad about that now can I?”

Okay so next up I am going to be cliche but you are going to have to bare with me. Can you guess what the most common piece of advice/response I received when it happened? Anyone that has been through a breakup will know this one. “Everything happens for a reason”. Okay thanks Karen I will just take my tears elsewhere you insensitive cow!

But honestly - Karen is right. It is hard to see clearly at first, mainly because your vision is blurred by the hectic amount of consistent tears flowing outta your eyeballs, but when you take a moment to be alone and just feel it you will realise that there is a reason that chapter is closing and it’s probably because the next chapter is a hell of a lot more exciting and relevant to you. I think if we are honest with ourselves in those situations we can often see that this is the truth, we just don’t want to admit it to ourselves because it’s often easier to play the victim.

“This has happened FOR ME not TO ME. If you can shift your perspective to this, your view will change and your load will lighten.”

My last advice would be to take this as an opportunity for you. Take this time to reflect, reset and rebuild.

Whether it’s from a break up and you need to work on loving yourself a little, a job break up and you need to find a place which aligns with your passion or just simply you are struggling to see clarity in a situation, just stop and slow down and focus on the most important person in this situation - you. You will go through waves of emotion but remember - this is not a reflection of your worth. This does not make you irrelevant. Your worth is found in you, not in them. If you know your worth and your capability, nothing can stop you.

"I  slowed down completely, I somehow managed to not go on a food and alcohol bender or overtrain so I could underthink (not sure if this is a word but it is now!). I let myself feel the sadness, feel the rejection but I did not let it overstay its welcome."

This is simply the start of your new chapter, where you are the leading character as well as the writer, heck you can even be the narrator if you want! You will find new love, a new job or a new beginning. But only if you take the blinkers and the negative victim hat off and open your eyes and your heart to WHY this is happening and HOW you can work it in your favour.

Don’t resist change - the tectonic plates in the world beneath us inevitably shift and crack and force us to change anyway. Just be open to it and it will work in your favour.

Love,

MDW x